I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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