is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
