God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I feel like abortions should bother me more
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Randomize