I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
