This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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