nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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