Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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