Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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