I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
