apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
