I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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