Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
