so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Found the puke drawer
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
