You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
