I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
