my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You dont lie about slip and slides
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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