I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
sarcasm needs its own font
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
