Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
one might say we're banned from that church
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
