Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
