i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
