we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
