That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I deserve this hangover.
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