listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
