Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
