The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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