If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
