She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
