I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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