i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize