it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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