so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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