I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
