so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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