You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
All the doctor said was why
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
