Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize