Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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