yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize