she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
