I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
