ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
how does that bad decision feel?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize