I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
