They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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