Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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