My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
