remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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