I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
