Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
