TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
