If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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