Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
