rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
