Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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