You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I need moral support for this bender
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
