I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
