also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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