your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
