He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
