I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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