Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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