Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
