Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
