Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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