We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
