Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
