Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
