i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
