i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
