he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
