Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
