are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize