I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
