Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
